Friendship, in essence, is a strange thing, if you think about it. You just pick a human that you've met, and from that point on it's; 'Yep, I like this one' and you just do stuff with them.
I mean, of course that is simplifying it a bit, but, when you think about it... yeah, pretty much. In a world literally full of people, we pick a handful, maybe, of people we just... come across... to have these roles in our lives that we make so fundamental. And, in a world consisting of literally billions of people, I have an imaginary friend. I mean, I have other friends too, but it's my imaginary friend I'd like to introduce you to now.
(I promise the camel's back isn't broken just yet, still plenty of time for that, I am going somewhere with this... I think ha!)
This imaginary friend isn't your average imaginary friend, however. No, not someone I've known since, say, I was a child. My imaginary friend has been in my 24 years of life for a relatively short period of time.
See, I do believe that people, (of every description), come into your life for specific reasons. Some big, some small, some nonsensical, some pivotal, but all reasons nonetheless.
Now I also believe that every incident... event... 'happening'... is an opportunity to learn something... or maybe un-learn something, in some cases. Stick a pin in it for now, we'll get to that later.
So, my imaginary friend. She (for the sake of this, 'she') is kind, she is sweet, she's encouraging. She's funny, in a bit of a ditzy way. She is attentive, in a bit of a clingy way. However, all in all, she's pretty much everything the proverbial 'guideline to a good friend' says she should be, in a bit of a 'butter wouldn't melt' way.
My imaginary friend was pretty cool you see, because some of my other friends knew her too. No, before you ask, they're not crazy either... well, not in that way, anyway...
However, when my imaginary friend started appearing less and less, I grew concerned.
I mean, there is a time where everybody's imaginary friend begins to fade, but this was quite out of character.
When my imaginary friend's behaviour started to change, becoming increasingly isolated, withdrawn, and quiet, I began to question.
Had I pissed her off? Was something I had done a cause for this complete switch in attitude and behaviour? Directly or indirectly? Most people get tired or bored with their imaginary friend, but was I the first person ever to drive their imaginary friend away from them? Just imagine?!
Yes, before we think it, I know that's not the normal thoughts to have in this scenario. However, anyone with experience with anxieties or depressions will understand that, regardless, it can have a tendency to happen on occasion (Another time, another blog, it's been done, yadda yadda yadda). Or, you know, maybe it is the normal thoughts, or 'common' anyway, if we consider how prevalent these kinds of issues are.
Anywho, my imaginary friend, yeah, she's pretty much everything the proverbial 'guideline to a good friend' says she should be. Until she wasn't.
You see, friend? No. Imaginary friend? Certainly.
The friend I have is purely in my imagination.
I think everybody experiences, at some point or another, the realisation that sometimes the person you thought somebody was, is very far and away removed from the person they actually are.
I think a person you know is never the person that somebody necessarily is. The person you know is only the embodiment of a person you have created. Based on experiences, opinions, conversations, thoughts, and everything else in between.
Maybe that means we bear some responsibility for the expectations we hold others to. In some cases, that might mean bearing the responsibility of expecting somebody to just be a decent person. In other cases, that might mean bearing the responsibility of expecting another person to have better judgement than to support Manchester United. The possibilities are vast and unending.
But what that doesn't mean, is that we bear the responsibility for their actions at any point. What that doesn't mean, is that we bear the responsibility for their complete disregard for others at any point. What that doesn't mean, is that we bear the responsibility for the hurt that they inflict on others at any point.
Whilst the expectations that we generally hold people to, are our responsibility, the responsibility of others are the actions that create the subsequent manifestation.
Walk, talk, act like a decent person, people will expect that you are a decent person.
Walk, talk, act like a twat... and well, people will expect you to be a Man United fan... I'm sorry, I just share the census, I don't make it up...
Remember I said that I also believe that every 'happening' is an opportunity to learn something? Remove the pin, we're there.
(Well, except we're not, I lied. Technically. I've not learnt something, I already knew it, but lets just say it's been reinforced and that's kind of the same thing anyway. It just means you've re-learnt it... that's a word...)
People know this. Maybe not in these words, but they know the principle. Consciously or subconsciously, it's there. Some people will abuse this. Because that's the person that they are. Not the person you may have created, but the person that they actually are. Some people have the genuine intention to screw you over, because that is who they are, and that's sad... and also a bit shit.
However, this means that we also bear another responsibility. We bear the responsibility of how we act, and react, to the actions of those that do. We bear the responsibility for the effect that their actions (their responsibility, remember) have on our lives, our attitudes, our moods, our behaviours, and even our thoughts from that point on.
You know what the up-shoot of that is, though? The others. A few people are true to their actions, their words, their behaviours. A few people are true to your expectation because some people have no inclination to abuse it. That's not who they are. A lot of people actually.
Enough people for 'a lot of people' to be 'most people', so you know the 'some people'? Fuck 'em.
As true as it is, you have the choice, the responsibility, to say "Fuck 'em", and you know what? It feels damn good. Especially when you see that the 'most' around you, which includes you, are only better off for being without the 'some'.
And that's how you get closure too.
Just a side note.
